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Relationships
Twelve questions worth asking before an engagement
Compatibility scores narrow the field. These are the conversations that decide it — drawn from what long-married couples say they wish they had settled early.
The RealVows Team
Editorial
1 min read
Introductions on RealVows arrive with a compatibility breakdown, which tells you where two people are likely to agree. It cannot tell you whether you have actually asked. These twelve come up again and again when we speak to couples five and ten years in.
Money
- Do we combine our finances, keep them separate, or something in between — and who decides when we disagree?
- What does either of us owe, to whom, and by when?
- How much support do our families expect from us, in money and in time?
Family
- Where do we live in five years, and whose parents are nearby?
- Children: how many, how soon, and what happens if it proves difficult?
- How are our children raised in matters of faith, and who leads that?
Faith and practice
- What does practice look like on an ordinary Tuesday, not a holy day?
- Where do we differ, and can each of us name the other position fairly?
Work and the everyday
- Whose career moves if one of us is offered something far away?
- Who does the invisible work — appointments, birthdays, ageing parents?
- What does rest look like for each of us, and can we do it in the same house?
- How do we argue? What did that look like the last time either of us was truly angry?
Nobody has ever told us they regretted asking too early. Several have told us the opposite.
The RealVows Team
Editorial
Part of the team that builds, reviews and runs RealVows. We publish how the service works because a matchmaking method nobody can inspect is just a black box with better manners.